Family

 Well... I have survived turning 60... YEAH.... I've now been 60 for nearly a month and I must say... I really feel no different than I did when I was 59... BIG SURPRISE!!!! So... I will continue on and next year... guess what I will turn 61 and really no one will care to any large extent. So... as the song says... "Don't Worry Be Happy."

A couple of weeks ago my wife (Kathy) was face chating, or facebooking, of whatever you call it with my brothers wife (Jami) and it seems that they were making plans for all of us to get together for dinner. When Kathy told me we were doing this I was surprised. After-all... we don't normally do this kind of activity with my family outside of us visiting with my parents. It was sort-of surprising because it had been years since my brother and our wives had did anything together. 

My brother and I were quite close growing up, but as adults we've drifted apart as we had gotten married and had our own families. Add to the fact I didn't live all that close well... it happens... you grow apart. 

So... we got together last night and it was great. We had wonderful conversation about many topics some of which we agree and some which we did not, but it was great. When the conversation turned to the topic of us getting together Jami shared a story of her and her brother. It seems that she had a similar experience where she and her brother had not seen each other for along time. So... she invited him over and he came, and again she made an invitation and he came. But he had never reciprocated the invitation... so she invited herself over to his place. The brother was puzzled as to why... was something wrong... was this a harbinger of bad news... he was puzzled. When asked, Jami responded... "Because your my brother and I was to spend some time with you." He was sort of shocked by the out poring of love and family. 

It was really the reason for our getting together as well. And it was a GREAT time. He even picked up the tab which was really unusual. I thanked him. 

So... as I reflect on this today... the next day... I'm thinking that "Family" is really important as I age. As an adult I've tried to separate from my family of origin because it wasn't always the best or what I thought was the best. So... since marriage I've always lived some distance from the rest of my family. This is still true. I live at least an hour and a half from my family of origin and I like that to some degree. I see my siblings a hand full of times a year mostly at holidays and chance meeting when visiting our parents. The excuse for us has been... well we live to far away... they don't visit us... so we won't visit them. And it goes on.

But turning 60 has a way of changing some of this thinking. It's not that I don't like my siblings... that couldn't be the furthest from my mind. However... we've grown apart. We have different ways of looking at things. We have different values... different understandings... were just different from back in the day. But isn't that difference just what we need to be about? Isn't that what it means to be diverse? Isn't that how we learn new things? I think so!!!!

We didn't dwell on the past... we didn't remissness about the good ole days... we had a great conversation about what we are today.... and I liked it. I felt I learned something. I felt a kindred spirit in my brother and his wife. And... it was GOOD. 

So... I hope we can do this more frequently because... it's about being Family.      

Turning 60

Well it's been quite a while since I last posted... yeh quite a while. There have been lots of reasons for this drought all of which are good excuses. Like being tired, laziness, work, entertainment, family, grand kids, snow blowing, watching TV, church... well that last one maybe not... but then again yes. 

The biggest excuse though is that I've been preoccupied with turning 60. For the most part I've been thinking about turning 60 for the past year and by doing that... it has played havoc in my head. And... it hasn't been an easy  road to travel. Now... I know what your thinking. It's only a number. 60 is the new 40. Your only as old as you feel. Yada... Yada...Yada... I know all these things... but it didn't make me feel any better. In many ways... it made me feel like hearing all the cliche's that you hear at a funeral. So... please I really don't want to hear them. 

When I was in my late teens my grandfathers turned 60 and I thought that was old. After-all they had grey hair, a pudgy belly, and sagging skin, and when I looked in the mirror at age 59... well I mirrored this same image and it didn't play well in my mind. 

I didn't get this feeling when I turned 50 or even 55, but when I turned 59 it happened and I felt fat, old, out of shape, depressed, and well really old. So... for the past year this picture and video has been playing rerun after rerun in my head. Therefore... that is the biggest reason I haven't blogged or done much posting on this blog. So... wow is me!!!

As I've tried to make sense of all of this I've come to some realization it is a fact of life. We all will grow older. We will all get grey hair and most (the guys anyway) will lose it or at least most of it. And for the most part we will all have pudgy parts about us. So... I have to get over it. Move on... and that has been easier said than done. 

In part... the past year has played a role in me getting a bariactic procedure done. Not only did my doctor say if your going to do this... you need to do it before your 60, but I came to the point that I wanted to not only be healthy, but that I didn't want to be fat anymore. Furthermore... I wanted my remaining 30+ years of life (if I live that long) to be healthy active years as best as they could be. But really... having this procedure done was cosmetic in many ways. The stuff about getting old is in my head not my stomach. 

As I draw closer to my 60th year I've come to realize my problem or at least my perceived  problem was not turning 60, but all the years leading up to my 60th year. You see... I've discovered what has been playing around in my head was all the unrealized dreams I've had that haven't been realized in my life. All of the things I wanted to accomplish but haven't even come close. All of the times I've screwed up, bad decisions, lack of confidence, and just plain shitty things I've done. All of these things have been dancing in and throughout my head over the past year. 

Some of these things are real and some are perceived short comings, but nonetheless my past has caused me to pause my life. And at this point... the pause has been about many of the negative elements I've experienced. Now I do realize that there are positive moments that have been real blessings, but the previous year I've just been overwhelmed with the negative and I'm going to own that for now. There is plenty of time to remember and reflect on the positive. Why do I know that... well it's in my genes. While I don't think my parents... at least my dad will make this.. I am planning to live into my 90's. How do I know this... well all four of my grand parents lived into their mid 90's... and I'm a reasonably healthy guy... so I'm going to live that long... I just know it. I'm not necessarily all that happy about it, but that's life... RIGHT! 

So... I'm turning 60 and I'll wake up the next day like I always do, put my feet on the floor, make an effort to raise my achy body, and head for the bathroom to get ready for work. And as I ready myself for another day's activities I will be thinking about all the stuff I had hoped to accomplish in my life by this time and then get a brain fart... then say to myself... I can still do this... well maybe for another 5 years as I stare retirement in the face. I wish I was better prepared for that...

There is one thing about turning 60... it does give you a little bit of wisdom. I don't make some of the same mistakes I use to. Kathy doesn't think so... What does she know... she turned 60 last year!

Happy Birthday Dennis